The Day Of

I don't think I have taken off for a trip in the past 3 years that I haven't had a panic attack the morning of. While better than Japan, this morning was bad, bitter and angry I was doing this alone, certain I had overpacked and would look silly pulling my new suitcase through the East Village. It felt like a dream, like all my planning hadn't happened, that I could just go back to sleep. I'm still feeling in a daze, running on no sleep and massive adrenaline, unsure how I drove the hill in my groggy state. I am sitting the Chicago Midway airport, which is actually a kind of neat airport. I went looking to find out who was the first to have rocking chairs, they seem to be multiplying across the country and are here as well. (Charlotte was the first in case you were curious.) This airport is getting ready to install fancy leather chairs with power supplies in them to replace the random stools and benches that exist everywhere. I go in waves with the panic, starting to wonder if I can do this, why I am alone. I feel like crap, I should have slept more last night, I'm having my usual stressed out bladder situation where I think I have to pee but I don't, and my throat is getting more sore not less. That's really not helping my mood and confidence.

I'm watching a movie on Netflix Watch Now about the scrabble tournaments called Word Wars to distract me, and it is a good follow up to the movie I watched last week called Word Play about the New York Times Crossword Puzzle. In studying people, it's incredible informative to study the pop culture phenomenons that they are drawn to. While I would not expect these movies to be beyond enlightening, I feel a greater understanding of a breed of people I may have overlooked in the past. I love people. I think that is what has me most excited about this trip. It is a unique opportunity to not just observe, but do so at my own pace and leisure. I think it will amuse some to find one of the things I am most excited to see are the chess players in Battery Park. While I have let my game lapse, for more than 2 decades now, I have sat in awe at their speed and skill, and just like Broadway, it is an attraction for me to not be missed. Apparently, they are sided by Scrabble players with the same intensity. I need to keep reminding myself this is an adventure, and to not be scared. Dammit, I have to pee again. I think it's an aisle seat for me the next leg. Dammit.